Day 4: Sleepy Sunday

 

This picture will continue to be the header of my blog until I'm able to establish some better habits. I originally wrote "good habits" but I'm trying to stay away from negativity - so things are not "bad" vs "good". How about good vs better for positivity !

Yesterday was a good day, even if I didn't get on the treadmill. I cannot expect perfection this early in the game. Putting that pressure on myself always leads to failure, so I'm trying to relax a little.

Last night I fell asleep on the couch sometime after 10 pm and woke up at midnight. I had my evening snack, fed the cats, and went to bed. Even though I had part of a candy bar yesterday, I stayed within my 1200 calorie target. I didn't "under-eat" deliberately, it's just how the day flowed. It seems like I am not hungry all the time now and I am sure a big part of that is eliminating the candy and other carbs I was eating.

Breakfast was waffles with sugar free syrup. Lunch was a pepperoni pizza melt. Afternoon snack was cottage cheese and a can of mandarin oranges. Dinner was a chicken enchilada with brussel sprouts. Evening snack was a chocolate cupcake with whipped cream. The brussel sprouts had olive oil in them, which I didn't realize because I didn't look at the package close enough. Fortunately I only bought 3 packages of them ! The package indicated the calorie count was 170 .. which is a lot for a veggie !

I checked in on my bills this morning to make sure my property tax check posted and it had, so I'm done with "house" bills until March. I still remember the days when I would cringe when I logged on to my bank account. For many years I had to juggle the bills and lived on credit cards. I paid the "minimum due" much of the time. It's nice not to have any credit card debt and I think remembering those bad days helps keep me paying those bills in full every month. No more judgements (I had one), lawsuits (I had one) or collection calls (I had thousands). It was a very dark time for me and during those years my only comfort was food, mostly sweets. I didn't like to share my candy so it was kept in my bedroom and when I went to bed at night I would dig in. Alex wasn't big on sweets but I still didn't want to share. Many bags of Hershey Kisses and M&M's were consumed, along with huge bags of chocolate covered peanuts or caramel peanut clusters. I was a big fan of the bulk bins at Wegman's ! I also loved when Halloween rolled around as I could buy huge bags of "fun size" candy bars and not feel like I was being judged. I also bought huge Mr Goodbar, Hershey's with almonds and Caramello bars. I'd buy a dozen at a time and eat a whole one in one sitting. Mind you, money was tight but I needed my name brand candy ! I also ate plenty of ice cream. How else do you get to 304 pounds !?!?!?! 

Those items, along with my "comfort foods" started creeping back into my life before mom passed away but once she was gone it accelerated. I was lonely and lost and went back to that comforting food. In 2022 I started trying to lose the weight again and failed. I got sick with the flu in November and it only took one Instacart delivery to get me hooked again. I spent the entirety of 2023 promising myself I'd try again but I never really put any effort into it. I just lied to myself all year. I had pushed those comfort foods out but when I got sick in December they were right back in my house. Well, they're gone again now and the goal is for them to stay gone. I still have 12 packages of Pop Tarts and they are 370 calories each. That is nearly 1/3 of a day's calories and they're all sugar ! I'm not going to throw them out just yet, but if I do decide to indulge I will have ONE - not the whole package. That's still 185 calories, so it's not something I will do frequently. I still have a bottle of ranch dressing in the pantry that I forgot about. I may use that sparingly on chicken or an occasional salad. I also still have some candy but I've successfully weaned myself off that. It will become an occasional indulgence. Maybe when I get 10 pounds off I will have ONE piece !

I weighed myself today and I'm exactly 265. I'm good with that as #1 - I can't expect to lose a pound every day and #2 - I was actually 265 and some ounces yesterday ... so I did "lose" ! It's the small things that keep you motivated !

Around 9 am today I got myself dressed. I was chilled (it was only 22 this morning) and I was determined to get on the treadmill today. My hip was not bothering me ! I got sidetracked when I logged into one of my old email accounts and changed the password. While scanning through all the emails I deleted, I discovered that a young girl used it to create a TikTok account !! Needless to say, I reset the TikTok password and logged in. I deleted all her video uploads, changed the profile pic and made the account private. I found 3 different accounts associated with her. Doesn't seem like the account under my email has been used since November, so I don't feel too bad about taking it over. She had 509 followers so it might be a blow to have the account gone, but there was no reason to use an email that wasn't yours. Actions have consequences. I had to install the app on my phone in order to start deleting the followers and deauthorize her phone. She has an iPhone 14, which came out in late 2022, so it's recent. TikTok only lets you delete so many followers and with 401 remaining they cut me off for 24 hours, so I couldn't delete them all. I unfollowed every account and deleted her friends, then deleted the account. I also removed all her "favorites" and tried to delete all the "likes", but there were just too many. The last thing I need is my email associated with some teen girls account, so I don't feel bad about deleting the account. Honestly, I hope it turns out to be a good thing for her. I didn't find anything concerning in her content and I'm glad for that.