Day 1: Climbing Out

 

I've been up and down but I'm not giving up. However, I'm near rock bottom for sure. Today is all about a reset and making a SERIOUS effort to get this weight off. 

It's Tuesday and it's Day 1 of this last-ditch effort to get the weight back off. The day did not start off well. I weighed myself, as promised, and the scale read 269. So my "efforts" over the last 47 days resulted in gaining another pound. As crushing as this is, I shouldn't be surprised considering the candy, ice cream and other non-Nutrisystem food choices I've made. I have 2 choices now. Give up and eat myself into an early grave or shake off the disappointment and resolve to do something about it. I choose the latter. 

Breakfast was 2 slices of oatmeal cinnamon raisin toast with butter.

I've been loading up my salads with olives, feta cheese, pickled onions and roasted red peppers and all of these add extra calories. I've decided to stop buying these items and will use up what I have in smaller quantities. I also need to stop adding caramel or chocolate syrup to my coffee, as those are unnecessary calories and sugar. I have an open bottle of each and will limit them to once a day until they're gone. All of these extra calories add up. I also need to eliminate the canned whipped cream if I can't get the portion under control. I have an open can and the goal today is to use it sparingly. When I first started buying this item it was to put just a dab on top of sugar free jello.

So having said I'll use up these calorie laden items, the question is this: why not just throw them away? When I first started Nutrisystem I threw away a ton of food, probably over a hundred dollars worth, during a time that money was still a bit short. Everything prior to this sentence was written before work. About 9 this morning the caramel and chocolate syrup went down the drain, the bread went in the trash, the remnants of candy in my candy jar was discarded and the Hershey Kisses were relocated to covered candy dishes and are out of sight. I can't throw them away - that bag of candy was $14. Perhaps they will be a treat for each 10 pounds I lose! I also have 2 open boxes of Pop Tarts. I will allow myself to keep those, for now. I also brought down the 40 pound bear after I made my bed. I have to earn it back and that means losing 5 pounds. 

So there it is, my first reachable goal. 5 pounds to reach the 40 pound mark again and earn that 40 pound bear. 

I'm changing up the blog a little to capture things as they happen. As 10:30 am approached my stomach was growling. The 2 pieces of toast I had before 8 wanted some company, so I had an 80 calorie yogurt. This is a usual morning item and it's within the plan guidelines for breakfast. I feel more determined and more encouraged today. Will that last? Hard to say. I have to decide if I'm willing to "feel the pain" of eating less and eating things that are less "delicious". If I'm not, the weight will not come off. Same goes for exercise. I have to decide if I'm willing to put in the hard work to regain my former fitness level. I'm sitting here typing this and the Total Gym is set up in front of me, ready to go. Exercise goal at the moment is 20 minutes on the treadmill during lunch and then a session on the treadmill after work. Totally reasonable and totally doable.

Getting on the treadmill at lunch today did not work out. I was on a call that ran into my lunch time and yet again, my shoes were not on and I hadn't made my shake. I opted to let that go and fed Minnie, then made my salad and cut up a head of lettuce for salad tomorrow. I also made 2 trips upstairs with a bunch of clothes that I can't wear, along with Christmas themed clothes that I won't wear again until later this year. There are still more in the closet that I need to move, but that is for a another day! By the time I did all that and sat down to have a beverage (the remains of a bottle of Diet Coke) it was after 12:30 and I was halfway through my lunch hour.

In a shocking twist, it snowed all morning! We probably have 4 or more inches of the light fluffy stuff out there. By 12:30 the skies had brightened and it seemed like the worst was over.

While I was making my salad today I took another look at the ingredients and calories of my salad items. The roasted red peppers and green olives have no added sugar or fat, so these can be counted as an allowed veggie. The pickled onions have sugar in the pickling liquid but the calories are very low. They could be counted as an extra. The kalamata olives have the most calories and the jar liquid contains olive oil. These would be another extra. The feta cheese is the most fat and calories and would never meet the 35 calorie guideline for an extra. I have 2 tubs of it to use. Here's the problem with this whole paragraph: this is me justifying eating all these items that are NOT part of the Nutrisystem plan. This is me justifying a bunch of extra calories and a ton of salt. This is me justifying being lazy. I used to buy fresh mini peppers and add them to my salad. I used to buy English cucumbers and add those too. I never really liked either item and had no problem with discontinuing their use. Why would I, considering I replaced them with a bunch of salt, sugar and fat!?!?!? So the plan is to phase them all out. I can manage with lettuce, celery and radishes. I may start buying the mini peppers again if Wegman's has them. I stopped using them because they were often not available. It was also a chore to cut them up every day. If I start using them again I will prep them on Sunday so I can just grab a handful for my salad each day. I really do need to think ahead and prep what I can on the weekend, because once the week gets rolling I tend to get lazy or distracted. For now I will continue with my salads as is but I will be careful with the portions of the add ins.

For lunch I had the usual 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt and a chef salad. I did try to go easy on the toppings. I was good until about 3:35 and realized it was time for my afternoon snack. At that point I had 1/2 cup of cottage cheese 80 calories) and 2 Alyssa's cookies (90 calories) with a cup of coffee. 

Work was busy today but I didn't feel very productive. I set my big project aside today as I have questions about the requirements and will be on a call to discuss tomorrow. Once I know exactly what they want I'll be able to proceed. This project involves over $4M so I need to get it right the first time.

I watched some YouTube videos after work and around 6 pm I decided to have dinner. I wasn't starving, but I very often wait until the last second to eat and then I'm starving and want to eat everything in sight. Lo and behold, even though I didn't think I was hungry, I demolished a bowl of roasted broccoli & brussel sprouts and a 240 calorie chicken bacon ranch quesadilla with salsa and some low fat sour cream in minutes. I went easy on the sour cream since it's 40 calories for just 2 tablespoons. When I first tried the quesadilla I wasn't sure I like it but now it's becoming a favorite! I'd like to try it with some buffalo sauce! After I ate I was mad because I felt so full, hadn't exercise at all today and wanted to get on the Total Gym. Despite my fullness I DID get on the Total Gym. I didn't use it for long but I can honestly say I felt like I had worked out when I got off it! It's not easy moving 269 pounds around! I also still remember that I overdid it the very first time I used it. After that first workout my urine was dark brown for a couple days and that is NOT a good thing. That's an indication that your body is breaking down muscle and too much of that can overwhelm your kidneys. I was lucky that it cleared right up but I've never forgotten it. So the few minutes tonight was a good start and an encouraging start! I have to take it easy on my knees and hips and back until I start to build up some strength and get some of this weight off. I was not using the Total Gym at this weight before, so I need to proceed with caution.

Once I hauled my fat a$$ off the TG I put on my nightgown and sat down to write more of this blog and watch some more YouTube videos.

I took a shower shortly after 8 pm and then had my evening snack, a 140 calorie chocolate cupcake with whipped cream. I used probably half as much whipped cream, so that's a start. 

Today was the first day of Spring and our weather was crazy. We had a few inches of snow today and I read that it was zero visibility in this area for a while this morning. Now there is a winter storm warning for tomorrow. We could get 6-11 inches more snow! I'm so grateful I do not have to commute at this time, though in severe weather I would just work from home and F what anybody thinks.

So how did my first day back go? Well, I think it went well. I am low on calories as I didn't have my shake at noon, but I'm ok with that. I'm going to bed a little hungry and you know what? When you're trying to lose weight that is a good thing. I didn't make it to the treadmill but I made it to the Total Gym. I feel good about the decision to throw away the caramel, chocolate syrup, chocolate from the freezer and the rest of the raisin bread. I'm ok with keeping the Hershey Kisses. I can't explain why but I just have to have some chocolate in the house "just in case". Same goes for the Pop Tarts. I just need them. I suspect this is part of the emotional eating cycle, so I want to do some reading on the subject. This may not have been a perfect day but I have to accept that perfect days are going to be the exception, rather than the rule. I call this day a good start and I'm proud of myself for not giving up. 

It's 9:40 pm and I'm heading upstairs to do skincare and brush my teeth. Then I'm climbing into bed for a little Cookie Jam on my new tablet. Speaking of new things, I haven't mentioned my new Keurig since the day I got it. We are best friends now! It brews faster and hotter than my old unit and it's pretty quiet. The old machine was probably filled with hard water deposits because I didn't descale it very often.

Below is the updated ticker. Looking forward to seeing some steady progress!