Day 34: Just Another Day

 

This picture will continue to be the header of my blog until I'm able to establish some better habits. I originally wrote "good habits" but I'm trying to stay away from negativity - so things are not "bad" vs "good". How about good vs better for positivity ! I think this daily reminder is helping as I've been able to start getting things done!

Today is Day 34 and I've begun yet again. I was awake just before 5:30 today because I had to pee. Once I did that I knew I wasn't going back to sleep, so I got up shortly after 6. By 7:30 the cats were fed, the litter boxes were cleaned and I was dressed and enjoying a second cup of coffee. Minnie turned her nose up at the canned food again this morning. I guess I fed her too early - I worry about her not eating. Tomorrow morning I'm not going to feed her until she gives me some indication she is hungry.

I started the day with a piece of cheese danish for breakfast. The danish is considered "cheating" but I had it in place of a Nutrisystem breakfast to try and keep the calories down. By 9:30 or so I was hungry so I got an 80 calorie yogurt to tide me over until noon. I had a sudden management call at 11 and those always scare me, so I had a small bowl of cashews while that was going on. Lunch was the usual 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt and a chef salad. Dinner was 220 chicken fettuccine alfredo over riced cauliflower. Evening snack was a 980 calorie tub of ice cream. Call that my afternoon snack and evening snack and extras for days. It is what it is.

Work remains slow but I spent the first couple of hours checking in on my existing work and searching for something new. There was nothing but I had a call scheduled for 10 and I knew that would take up a good chunk of time. I made sure to make my shake and put my shoes on in advance, so I'd be ready for the treadmill at noon. As it was, there was a sudden management call at 11 am, so I'm glad I was ready. The call was an announcement that our VP of less than 6 months is retiring and that more reorg and restructuring will be coming. They said our team would "remain intact" but I know from past experience that can change overnight when it's time to cut the budget. I'm sure the company is looking for ways to recoup their losses associated with the massive wireless outage we had a couple weeks ago. They said it was her decision but I doubt that. They likely offered her a boatload of money to leave quietly. Much of the afternoon was spent helping my boss with some of the junk that came her way. 

I think Minnie is a little lost when it comes to our "new normal". She went from snoozing on her corner chair, to snoozing in her other chair in the dining room, perching on the back of the couch near me and then returning to the chair in the dining room. The house seems so quiet. Abby became more vocal the past couple of years because she was hungry so often and wanted to make sure I knew.

When noon rolled around I was prepared to get on the treadmill but really didn't want to. I did it anyways! I'm sad that just the warm up speed of 2 mph is an effort for me. I know that with time and effort I can get my speed and endurance up and I have to stop focusing on what I lost. I have to do what I can and just keep at it. So I did 19m8s during my lunch hour. The programmed speed was 2.5 mph for the duration but at the 18m mark I decided to change it up and do one minute intervals, alternating between 2.3 and 2.5 mph. I don't think I'm ready for endurance right now so I'm going to continuing with intervals. I thought about holding off on my workout until after work, but I don't trust myself enough to do that. I'm lucky I can get off the couch at 5 to make dinner. After my workout I finished my shake and mixed up my chef salad.

I might have overdid the calories today but I'm moving past it, just as I'm trying to move past losing Abby. Today was a hard day as the last traces of life with Abby left with the trash today. When the garbage men emptied my bin it was the first time I felt emotional, but I didn't cry. There won't be any more paper plates with chicken scraps or whipped cream on them. No more blue pads to catch the water or food scraps. No more uneaten treats or food particles on the couch and carpet. I miss her sweet little self, more than I thought I would. I thought I would feel relief when she passed, which I did, but I didn't expect the sense of loss that came with it. I feel like I had an easier time when Princess, Lucky, Pooh and Tigger passed. This puzzles me as I lost the 4 of them in a relatively short period of time after I moved back into the house in 2018. It felt like I went from 6 cats to 2 overnight. Maybe Abby's death hit me harder because I worked so hard to keep her alive. I still feel a little lost but it gets better each day. 

Minnie spent the day doing what she usually does .. snoozing! She mostly alternated between the chair in the dining room and the chair in the living room but she did visit me a couple times. She ate a bit of lunch and it's 7 pm now and she's shown no interest in dinner. I will feed her before I go to bed, even if she isn't acting hungry. She does still come upstairs when I go to bed. I still put her treats on the bedside table, but I no longer have dry food in my room for her. She has dry food in the dining room and in the laundry room, along with water in the fountain. Not 3 minutes after I typed this paragraph, Minnie hopped off her perch and looked at her food bowl, which had the remnants of her uneaten lunch. It was dinner time. She ate a fair amount of the food and then got back to snoozing.

My Amazon order came today. The bins for the freezer are perfect and I already swapped out the cardboard boxes I've been using for several years. The bin for the fridge to hold my salad items wasn't big enough. That is my fault because I should have measured the items I wanted to to put in it, to see how much room I needed. It all worked out though. I had bought a plastic bin that I was going to use for my homemade condensate treatment in the basement and that was exactly the right size for all my salad items. The small bin will be perfect for the condensate treatment as it already has openings on either end. Apparently condensate from the boiler is considered wastewater (it's very alkaline) and really shouldn't be just pouring out on the floor untreated. I'm going to buy the treatment pellets from Amazon and put the bin in the basement with the condensate hose directed into it. I need to buy some plastic tubing because I'd like the condensate to run into the bin and then empty into the sump pit, so I need to extend the hose. This project isn't a priority since the heating season is nearly over. The 3rd item in my order was a key ring charm for my purse. It's pretty but the photo on Amazon made it look very pink and it's really a dusty rose color. It has a fair amount of bad reviews on Amazon regarding its quality, so we'll see how it lasts. Considering I only go out on the weekends I imagine it will last for a while.

I'm tired tonight, mentally and physically. It's been 4 days since Abby passed and I'm just drained. I'm a little paranoid about Minnie not eating enough so I have to keep reminding myself that I'm giving her a whole can of food and she has never eaten a ton of canned food.