Day 35: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

 

This picture will continue to be the header of my blog until I'm able to establish some better habits. I originally wrote "good habits" but I'm trying to stay away from negativity - so things are not "bad" vs "good". How about good vs better for positivity ! I think this daily reminder is helping as I've been able to start getting things done!

Today is Day 35 and I'm a little off the rails again. Yesterday was just another hard reminder that Abby is gone forever. I still feel lost. 

Breakfast was waffles with sugar free syrup. Late morning I had the rest of the cheese danish that I bought on Sunday. Lunch was a pepperoni pizza melt and a chef salad. Afternoon snack was cottage cheese & Alyssa's cookies. Dinner was a meatloaf sandwich and green beans. Evening snack was a chocolate cupcake with whipped cream.

Work was busy this morning as I finally got some movement on some old items and picked up a new item, along with something that I helped my boss with. Before I knew it, it was noon and I hadn't made my shake and didn't have my shoes on. I wasn't in the mood for the treadmill anyway. In my mind I resolved to try and get there after work, but that didn't happen. 

On many occasions I told Abby that when she was gone I wouldn't miss the need to feed her so often or the messes she made, but I would miss her sweet self. I also stated I did not want her to pass before it was her time. That is still true today. It was often frustrating trying to get her to eat and some days the mess she made was overwhelming. Yet here I am now, relieved of those responsibilities and not able to move forward. I feel lonelier than ever. Minnie places zero demands on me. She turned her nose up at the canned food this morning and maybe that's my fault for not waiting until later to feed her. However, she was in one of her usual spots in the dining room so I thought she was hungry.

I spent half of my lunch hour typing this and watching YouTube videos. One was of a guy making homemade chicken soup, which looked delicious. Many Nutrisystem clients make an "unlimited veggie soup" and use that to chase away hunger throughout the day. I've thought about making soup, but I'd need to control the starch that goes into it. I may just try that this weekend. I'd have to leave out beans, pasta and meat, but if I have it for dinner I could add some in to meet Nutrisystem's protein and calorie guidelines. I've also discovered that many canned soups meet the Nutrisystem guidelines, but some are heavy on salt.

This morning my Keurig died. I went through 3 k-cups before giving up and getting out my small Keurig that I bought for the office. Seems like the pump died in the old one. I've had it almost 6 years and it's been used every day, so I can't complain. The little one works great but I went ahead and ordered a new full size model on Amazon tonight. I bought the same one I had but it's red instead of the blue I had. I think that color will go well in my kitchen. I've been thinking about buying a new one for a while and wouldn't you know it ... the price went up $30! That is what I get for waiting. Oh well. I'm glad I had the spare one, otherwise I'd have had to run to Walmart in the rain tonight.

Minnie seems to be eating a bit more but it was 9 pm when I gave her dinner. I'm making sure to feed her 3 times a day since she was used to that. We're both still trying to figure out our new normal. 

I'm doing a bit better with self care. I've taken a shower and done skincare every day this week. I'm also cleaning my re-pierced ear after my shower each night. I will probably leave the earring in for another week. I've also gotten dressed before work every day this week. I'm giving myself credit for making these 4 items a "habit". I think I was trying to be "perfect" at everything all at once and it was too much. Exercise is my next priority to become habit and I will try that again tomorrow. Making my shake and getting my shoes on before noon goes with that goal. Maybe I should try making my shake before work. I might try that tomorrow! I've also cleaned the litter boxes every day this week. There are still 3 but I'm planning on getting rid of one of them once a bit more litter is used up. It helps to write these things down because I'm seeing that I'm doing better than I thought!

My new coffee maker should be here on Monday and I also ordered the 4 cat food bowls and a couple of plastic trays. The tray should fit 6 bowls of food and make it easier for me to feed the strays. The china plates are heavy and they're bigger than I need. I bought 2 trays because I thought I might like to use one for my own meals!

Today was rainy and gray but the rain should be out of here by tomorrow. Unfortunately there is no signs of sun in the forecast any time soon. Temps are 40's and 50's during the day so I'm liking that. Hopefully winter is done with us! I may rearrange my living room this weekend. When we get to the coldest part of winter (Jan-Feb) I move the couch away from the heat register. Once it warms up I can move it back and be a little more comfortable. I still want to get a recliner or a reclining sofa eventually. Anyhow, once I rearrange the living room I'll be setting up the Total Gym again. I think it will help with my aches and pains because I don't move enough and that is why I feel stiff all the time.

Work should be busier tomorrow as I have a couple of items that are ready for their next step. My boss is trying to send more work my way too, which is great because she holds on to too much stuff instead of asking us to help out. She thinks everyone is "too busy" and I've told her that no one on our team is too busy. People lie about being buried so they don't have to work hard.

On that note, I'm taking myself off to bed.