Day 42: Never Give Up

 

This picture will continue to be the header of my blog until I'm able to establish some better habits. I originally wrote "good habits" but I'm trying to stay away from negativity - so things are not "bad" vs "good". How about good vs better for positivity ! I've been up and down but I'm not giving up!

Today is Day 42 and it was 39 degrees and overcast when I got up, with a forecast high of 61. We had hit 61 by 1 pm!

Breakfast was 120 calorie french toast with an 80 calorie yogurt. I didn't have the extra power fuel and I didn't have an "official" morning snack. I had the rest of the soda bread. Lunch was a 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt and a chef salad. Afternoon snack was 80 calorie cottage cheese and 90 calorie Alyssa's cookies. Dinner was a 210 calorie chicken & grain bowl with the rest of the roasted broccoli & brussel sprouts. Evening snack was a 140 calorie chocolate cupcake with whipped cream.

I was awake at 6:55 am so I forced myself out of bed and started the day with a shower. I've been in a downward spiral for a while, but it got worse after Abby passed away. Starting the day with a shower was my attempt to right this sinking ship. Getting myself dressed before work was step 2, though I've at least been able to do this pretty consistently.

Work remains slow but my boss is making sure she sends things my way to keep me  busy. I appreciate this! I did turn down someone else's mess that she wanted to send my way. I've cleaned up enough of that person's garbage, so it's time they feel the pain.

I didn't make it to the treadmill at noon but I also didn't spend my lunch hour sitting on my butt! I collected and washed up the stray cat bowls, fed Minnie, cleaned up the kitchen counter, watered a plant, refilled my Keurig carousel, restocked the canned food for the strays, filed away a few documents and then made my lunch. That left me with about 20 minutes to relax. Then I realized I forgot to "clock out" for lunch. Oh brother. I don't think I've ever done that!

I mentioned that I've been in a downward spiral and I am yet again convinced it is related to the lack of sun during the winter. With more sun and daylight I feel like I'm starting to emerge from the darkness. I'm seriously contemplating buying a light therapy unit. I also need to get back to working in my office because I believe sitting on the couch all day is contributing to my achy hips. I'm in so much pain and I'm taking aspirin every couple of days. The pain goes away for the most part when I'm up and moving, so I know a lot of it is my inactivity (and my weight!). I also want to get the Total Gym set up again but that means rearranging the living room. I don't think we're going to have anymore single digit or sub-zero temps, so there is no reason I can't move the couch back to its usual spot.

Despite not getting on the treadmill, today was a better day. I showered. I made my bed. I got dressed before work. I got my shoes on. I ate according to plan, for the most part. Consistency has always been a problem for me because the least little bump in the road throws me into a tailspin.

Tonight I stood at the kitchen window while my dinner was cooking and I realized the grass is greening up! We could still see snow for the next few weeks but I am hopeful Spring is right around the corner!  I'm looking forward to the necessity of mowing the lawn and being able to wash my car in the driveway.

Minnie and I are continuing to settle in to our new normal. Minnie spent much of the day snoozing at the other end of the couch, where Abby used to spend her days. I'm not sure which is worse: seeing Minnie in that spot or seeing the empty space. I know Abby's little body was tired and she is no longer suffering, but that doesn't make me miss her any less. I'm trying not to say her name out loud so that I don't confuse Minnie, but I still catch myself starting to say it. I can't blame my current situation on her passing, just as I couldn't blame in on my mother's passing. My weight gain started long before and it's up to me to right the ship and get back to business.