Day 47: Another End Leads To Another Beginning

 

I've been up and down but I'm not giving up.

It's Monday and it's Day 47 of my own personal "failure to launch". Tomorrow will be Day 1 again and I feel like I'm ready to buckle down. Candy is in the freezer. I do still have the pitcher of Hershey Kisses on the dining room table, but I haven't touched those. Corned beef remains will go in the trash tomorrow. Lemon cake is gone. I have plenty of salad fixings and fresh veggies. I'm going to go back to snacking on raw carrots, which I did in the beginning. I will weigh myself first thing tomorrow and take the number at face value, not worrying about what clothes I do or don't have on or if I've been to the bathroom. Long range goal is going to be getting to 199. That one is a LONG way off. Mid range goal is 249. Starting goal will be 260.

I woke up to a dusting of snow on the ground but by noon it was gone. We had flurries on and off throughout the day and it was chilly. Only 33 at noon. I didn't stress about the treadmill or what I ate today, but I also didn't just stuff my face all day. 

Work was busy only because I have a large project to work on. It was a bit overwhelming to figure out how best to approach it, especially since none of the automated report tools available to me were going to help. I spent the morning figuring out how I was going to proceed, started a spreadsheet, and then set up a short call with my boss to go over it and see what she thinks. This project is complicated and will keep me busy for a while.

I've given a lot of thought regarding what is holding me back from getting the weight off. A big part of it is my struggle on the treadmill. I keep trying to go faster than my body is able to instead of starting at a pace I can maintain, like I did the first time around! As a result, I just avoid the treadmill altogether because I can't do it. This is my "avoidant personality" coming out. I looked back on my original blog and I did not start the treadmill until Day 59. I had lost about 35 pounds by then, so I would have weighed about 269 .. which is close to where I am now. I've also been in my usual winter spiral. I hesitate to call it depression because I'm not sad at all. Maybe call it the winter blues? I don't know what it is. 

So the plan for tomorrow is 100% compliance with the Nutrisystem plan with one small exception. I still have some of the oatmeal raisin cinnamon bread, which isn't awful when it comes to calories. I will finish that over the next couple of days. I actually had 2 slices as my breakfast today and that is probably what I will do until it is gone. 

I've had my shower tonight, completed my skincare and plan to brush my teeth when I go upstairs. I roasted some veggies after work, so I'm all set to hit the ground running tomorrow. I'm not going to let the treadmill trip me up. Walking at any speed is better than sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself.

I will restart the ticker after I weigh myself tomorrow.