Paused Again

 

I've been up and down but I'm not giving up. I might have been close to rock bottom but I held on tight and started the climb out. I can't look back and I can't change the past, but I have full control of the future when it comes to my weight.

04-03-24

I've decided to pause the diet and exercise focus while I'm in a cast. I'll continue eating per Nutrisystem, but I don't think it's wise to try using the treadmill or Total Gym right now. I can't get my sneakers on, for one thing. I also don't want to have any other accidents! I'm thinking about trying some chair exercises for strength. Typing with one hand is slow so I won't be blogging much until the cast is off. Preparing food and eating is also hard, so I'm glad to have a freezer full of Nutrisystem. Salads are off the menu because it's too hard to cut up the lettuce, celery and radishes. I will stop at the grocery store while I'm out Friday and pick up a few things.

04-04-24

Today I managed to cut up a head of lettuce, a couple celery sticks and a couple radishes for a salad. I wasn't able to open a new jar of pickled onions or green olives so I have to go without for a while, unless I can figure something out. I am getting better at eating with my right hand, so there is hope! Weather is unsettled, with showers to flurries and temps in the 30's and 40's. We'll be back to 50's and 60's next week!

04-05-24

Today started off with a bang. While I was feeding the strays one of them snuck in the house. A mad dash to get out ensued and she tore up the laundry room before I was able to herd her to the back door and freedom. I was able to pick everything up, but one of the curtain brackets is missing, so I'll have to find that later. Minnie was quite confused by the chaos!

04-10-24

Brief update. I'll be in the cast until 4-19 and then a brace for a couple weeks. I'm in no pain and able to use the left hand just a bit more. Life has been so up and down this year. The past few days I've been dealing with bloody diarrhea, which scared me quite a bit. Of course, the first thing you think of is cancer! It's much better today though, and I'm leaning more towards this being 2 things: using Miralax every day and using Ibuprofen. The last time I took Miralax I remember having loose stool, after having gone 2 or 3 times in one day. Then I fell and hurt myself and started taking Ibuprofen. I suspect daily use of Miralax irritated my digestive tract and then the Ibuprofen made the irritation worse. I won't be using either product ever again. I had decided I would give it 2 weeks to resolve and then seek medical treatment if it was still an issue. Today is better but I won't relax until things are completely normal. In other news, the eclipse on 4-8 was a bust for me. Clouds obscured both the sun and the moon so I saw nothing. Naturally the day before and the day after was blue skies and sunshine all day! Yet more disheartening news at work as the push for return to office and return to only certain locations continues. Our leadership is changing and that is never good. I will continue to hope the unique nature of my role keeps me employed a couple more years, but I'm going to search out other opportunities in the company. At least I have $50k in the bank and a hefty balance in my 401k and retirement plan. I won't starve and I can find a lower paying job to make up the difference.

4-12-24

So I'm still having bloody diarrhea but yesterday I had mandarin oranges, pizza and some diet coke ... which could all be considered irritating to your digestive tract. My appetite seems off and that worries me. This could still be some sort of reaction to Miralax, Ibuprofen, unclean hands or contaminated produce. It started after I broke my hand and with a cast it's harder to wash my hand after using the bathroom. I will give it some time.

In better news, I found a remote job on LinkedIn that would be perfect for me. I need to work on my resume and I might just submit for it. 

4-14-24

The bloody diarrhea seems to have stopped but my stool is still loose and not normal for me. Yesterday I saw blood in it once but there was none today. My appetite is also not normal, though I was hungry yesterday and ate more than I have been. Once I am free of this cast I will schedule an appointment with a GI doctor, even if things return to normal. As much as I want to be wrong, I'm thinking colon cancer. Worst case scenario, of course!  Would bloody diarrhea clear up if you have cancer? I don't know. This could just be something related to the Miralax or perhaps unclean produce. I don't think Ibuprofen has anything to do with it, since I don't have any stomach symptoms like nausea. It could be nothing to worry about - hard to know without seeing a doctor. Bright red blood seems to be less worrisome, but things are definitely not right in my gut. With any luck the cast will be off Friday and I can focus on investigating this issue. I went on Aetna's website today to see about scheduling a colonoscopy and I'll make some calls soon. I'm also planning a mammogram and a pap, so I found contacts for that too. I also need a primary care doctor, so I will investigate that too. The fact that things are getting better could mean nothing and I've played Russian Roulette with my health for too long.

04-15-24

Not much has changed. I'm not having bloody diarrhea but my stool is still looser than normal and I think I saw streaks of bright red blood this morning, though I didn't really see any on the wipe. I still feel like my appetite is off, as I had waffles this morning and nothing else since ... and it's noon now. I will say that I am hungry! I worked on my big work project all morning and didn't really think about food. I pooped again around 4 and it was more formed and there were no traces of blood, so that is good news. It's possible I had some sort of bug or that I did tear things up with the laxatives, but I still plan to have a colonoscopy once my hand is doing better. I still think something is wrong. I'm in such a lonely place right now.

04-16-24

Another day, not much change. No obvious blood in my stool and it is more formed, but things are still not what I would call normal. Are they getting better? It seems like they are, and that gives me hope this is some sort of infection or virus or just irritated guts from the Miralax. I feel like my appetite is improving and that is progress. For a few days my stomach never "growled" and I didn't feel hungry, but that is starting to change. Would things get better if you have cancer? I wouldn't think so, but who knows. Regardless, I am still going to have a colonoscopy. 

I managed to gather up all the trash and recycling and got that out to the curb today. Felt good to get something done and the sunshine helped! I opened most of the curtains on the porch to let the sun shine in too. I need to stop wallowing in pity and get things done. You know what? If I have cancer I will just have to deal with it. I'm not afraid to die. I'm more worried about leaving Minnie and the stray cats, along with the impact that would have on my family. They're the ones left behind to cope and take care of your affairs. Even if this doesn't turn out to be cancer, I need to get my health in order (colonoscopy, mammogram, pap) and also get my house in order (declutter). 

04-17-24

No signs of blood today and my stool is formed. This is encouraging, but I will still be pursuing a colonoscopy. It would be easy to just ignore this, but I need peace of mind. I will say that I felt hungry about 8:30 and that is more of a return to "normal". So nice to hear my stomach growling!

04-18-24

No signs of blood today and my stool is formed. I pooped 3 times before lunch! Still planning a colonoscopy once I'm out of this cast and can focus on the next thing, but I'm really hoping they find nothing. The fact that I'm "getting better" gives me hope.

04-19-24

No signs of blood today and stool remains formed. I had a lot of gas rumbling through last night and I wonder if that is because of the string cheese I ate. I'm also wondering if bad milk caused this problem. I had a big glass of skim milk around the time this started and I remember it tasted odd. I still have it but haven't drank anymore of it. I read that shigella can be found in milk and it can cause acute bloody diarrhea. Got my cast off today and I'll be in a removeable brace for the next 3 weeks. My appetite seems to be coming back, which is good but not so good if I want to lose the weight!

Today there were people at my neighbors house taking stuff away so I'm thinking he will not be back. Last I knew he was staying with or near a sister due to health issues. I think he has been away from his house for over a year now. He needed hip replacement surgery but they wouldn't do it until he lost some weight. I can relate to that struggle! It's possible he's passed or moved into assisted living or a nursing home. It really sucks to get old.

 04-20-24 & 04-21-24

Saturday I saw a tiny bit of blood when I pooped but there was none on Sunday. I did strain a little bit so that may be why. My stool remains formed and normal size. Saturday I was hungry and ate probably more than I should have. I went to the grocery store Sunday but otherwise I just vegged on the couch watching YouTube and playing Cookie Jam on my tablet.

04-22-24

It was nice to wake up to blue skies and sunshine but it was only 36 degrees! We have some even cooler overnight lows this week, so Spring is taking it's sweet time getting here. I pooped when I got up and it was a little firmer than it has been and I had to strain a little. In spite of that, there was no blood. I'm really hoping all this has been a food borne illness of some sort. I did throw away the milk I had and bought a fresh jug. I haven't bought any salad greens, mostly because it's too hard to cut that stuff up with one hand. I've been keeping the splint off most of the day and that allows me to wash both hands after I use the bathroom. It also lets me type a little better!

Work is busy but nothing like it used to be. I got my big project done (a day early!) and now I'm digging back into the normal day to day stuff, along with some stuff my boss sent my way. The project was a good distraction from my poop situation and the broken hand!

I'm less inclined to believe I have colon cancer BUT I plan to call tomorrow about getting a colonoscopy. I'm not calling today because doctor offices tends to be super busy on Monday's. I pooped again at 1 pm and there was no blood, so that made me happy.

I really need to get back on the treadmill, so I have to work on being able to get socks and sneaks on.

04-23-24

Today is another day of blue skies and sunshine, bit still chilly in the morning. It was 65 by noon.

No real change in my poop. No obvious blood this morning. As of noon I hadn't called about a colonoscopy. To be honest, I'm scared.